I realized I focused too much on the bad memories I had during 2011. Then I remembered the people who taught me how to take things positively, always.
As I was crying over the things which did not deserve even the smallest amount of my tears, this girl literally pulled me out from my bed, told me to dress up and gave me company as I drank the bottles of beer I needed. She was there when I desperately wanted to temporarily shut down my drama.
When I was at my lowest and needed a bit of honesty, this guy was the one I always looked for. We all have friends who can never tell you the truth because they know it will hurt you. Well he is one of those who will look you straight in the eye and tell you what you need to hear. Well I am even luckier because his honesty is the kind which will not hurt you but will make you realize you are always better and stronger.
I spent majority of my fridays with these people. I even lost time for my other friends and school but somehow, I could not imagine better ways of spending a friday night.
Half of my 2011 was captured by photos of us holding bottles of beer, shaking our heads, laughing at each other. I was even advised by my professors to keep my albums private. However, our pictures are those which have meanings. Our moments were not purely shallow and immature. Our moments were merely covers of our pain and how we would tolerate each other to have fun and forget. It is quite obvious in our photos that we did not care about how people would see us. During the day, we were all fragile and we had our own stories to tell; hence at night, we all deserved a dance!
These friends were with me as I tried to pretend that I could not be happier. They allowed me to lie to myself, to others and to the camera, because that is what we need sometimes. To make people believe that we are happy so they could not hurt us anymore.
They made me realize that I shall never need a man to be happy. We do not need a dance partner, or a handsome stranger to have small talks with. We need a dance mob in our lives, we need good friends to talk to after a fun night. We do not want strangers asking us what school we go to, what our name is. We need friends who will ask us how our day was and if everything is okay.
We were always like this during the latter part of 2011. Even in times when some of us were reaching for our dreams, when some were aiming for higher grades, we were never absent. We were there to give support and to push them a little bit more. We were there to say “congratulations”. More importantly, we were always there to say congratulations when some of us had the will to finally let go.
I can never forget a friend I had a lot of good times with. But I shall never forget a friend who was there every step of the way when I was pulling myself up. He learned to love what I loved but taught me how to hate when he knew I was already emotionally abused. He helped me put my life together one step at at time. He pushed me to cry my tears out until there was nothing left, he listened to what I had to say until I felt like being quiet. And now that I am back on my feet, he still pushes me to become better. He taught me that my kindness to people can never mend my pain, but love and respect for myself will do the work.
This girl was also with me the whole time. She might not see it but I appreciate every moment I had with her. The things we did together were childish and irrelevant, but to me, those were simple things that made me feel light again. The times when we starved ourselves to death to achieve our dreams of wearing anything we want and to cross our legs freely helped me gain the confidence I lost. But when I felt hungry, she ate with me. A friend like her is someone who will be there when you’re in pain but is still present when you deserve a nice treat.
Lucky for me, I met them when I felt like losing everything I have worked so hard for.
We were just starting but they embraced my pain with me. The strength I could possibly gain from everything and the lessons which not all people are lucky to experience, I owe to them.
I am grateful to these two for introducing me to them and for being part of my rocky 2011
Let’s rock 2012 as we show people what we got and as we wear our medals for Best Thesis!
